Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
it's like iHOP with fire
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
