I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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