Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
