Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
