My sheets look like a crime scene.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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