why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
