When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
