she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
