Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
