A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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