Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
