Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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