dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
