you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
