Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
