Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
