Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
