i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think people are normalizing furries
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
