we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
