how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize