if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
