My first STD was from a foam party
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
