you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
