I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
