So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
