Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Randomize
