What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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