the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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