walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
