If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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