you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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