I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
