I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
