I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
