You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
