Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
