Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
