Swine flu. Run for my life!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
