Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
