You can't special order awesome
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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