i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Randomize
