all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
