I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize