The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
