Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
