Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
