what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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