quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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