I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
