if you like me you must not know who I am
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
