girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
