Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize