i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
