ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
