my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
