her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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