i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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