i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
