Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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