who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize