Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
false alarm. still invincible.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
