I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The adults are the big ones right?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
