He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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