i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
