So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
