I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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