he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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