im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
