I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
