So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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