I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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