you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
