So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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